Hey friends! Wow, it has been a WHILE since I last posted here! But I haven’t forgotten about this little corner of the internet, and I’m really happy to still be alive, kicking, and making my way through my medical education.
So much has happened in the last year! In terms of academic intensity, the second year of medical school was a whole step up from first year. With more lectures, pathophysiology, microbiology, pharmacology, and the ever-looming shadow of board exams, the curriculum never really let up. It’s been humbling and lots of hard work, but also deeply rewarding. Although I am exhausted, I can somehow say that I genuinely enjoyed second year more than the first.
I am writing this post, in fact, having just completed Step 1 and COMLEX Level 1! These are the first of the MD and DO board exams, respectively, that take place between our second year of medical school and first year of residency. I am praying that I passed these exams, and they were without a doubt the most difficult tests I’ve ever studied for. Pooling information from the first two years of med school was stressful, but God has been SO FAITHFUL especially in these past few months. I can’t say it enough, He has been good!
While second year has been intense, the most exciting development of this year hasn’t been academic. On Valentine’s Day 2023, we found out I am pregnant.
How We Decided and What Helped Us Along the Way
Nathan and I have been wanting to start a family for years now. This fall, it will be 5 years since we tied the knot, and starting a family is something we’ve hoped and waited for. When I was a premed, I worried and worried and searched for online answers to the very specific question, “When is the best time to have a baby as a doctor-in-training?”
Even now, I can’t pretend I have the answer to this question. But it’s something we’ve given a lot of thought and something I’ve wanted to write about for some time. So here are my two cents on how we decided to have a baby in med school.
1. We Waited Until We Were Ready
In my wandering searches, my favorite piece of advice was this: If you’re in medical training, have a baby when you feel ready. This advice comes from Mama Doctor Jones’ video on Youtube, and it has stuck with me even now, 3-4 years later. I appreciate Dr. Jones’ positivity around having children as a doctor and her reminder to simply have a baby when you’re ready.
Feeling ready can mean different things to different people. For us, it meant we were ready emotionally, financially, and we had a timeline in mind. We had a lot of uncertainty, sure, but for the most part, we knew we wanted to start this next chapter of our lives, and so we committed to making it happen.
2. We Chose a Supportive Medical School and Connected with Faculty Early
When choosing a medical school, the school’s culture was always top of mind for me. When I received interviews from schools as an applicant, I researched the schools as much as possible to see how receptive they were to students raising families. Looking back, for schools where I had been accepted, I believe I could have been even more intentional in directly asking schools how they supported medical student parents.
One thing for which I am immensely grateful is how supportive my med school has been of us starting a family. In speaking to staff and faculty, I was able to connect with one of our Deans within the first month of school. Having a quick chat with her, building a relationship early on, and learning about the school’s perspective for best times to give birth was insightful and encouraging.
Since then, the school has connected me to other mothers within our school community and alumni network, and I have learned how the school has supported many student parents before me. From what I’ve seen, I have confidence they will do whatever they can to get me to graduation successfully.
3. We Made a Plan
Given my med school schedule, there were certain times which were more ideal for giving birth than others. Based on my research and in consulting with the school, these times were before school, in the summer between first and second year, and in my third or fourth years. Many women also give birth during residency and as attendings, and these are options we will consider down the road.
Taking time off to give birth would have been difficult in my first and second years given how our curriculum is nonstop. This would have given little room for the break necessary for birth and recovery. After consulting our school’s faculty, I learned that giving birth in third or fourth years offered more flexibility, as I could take maternity leave by taking off one or two month-long rotations. I cannot emphasize it enough, be proactive in communicating with your school! They will likely have years of experience which can assist you.
4. Age Mattered to Me
As women, we’ve all heard it a million times: Our biological clock is ticking. I really hate that. But the truth is that as we age (especially past 35), risk of birth defects and complications increases and the the chance of becoming pregnant decreases. Although IVF, IUI, and egg-freezing are all options in helping women with infertility become pregnant, procedures can very quickly become stressful and expensive.
Having entered medical school at the age of 28, I knew I didn’t want to wait until I was done with residency to start having children. I’ll be at least 35 by the time I finish, and waiting 7 years just felt too long!
While women choose to wait for many reasons, I personally wanted to start early so I can be as healthy as possible when I give birth and to be as young and energetic as possible for my little ones. I’m by no means saying age and energy are mutually exclusive, but knowing myself, this is what made the most sense for me and my husband.
5. And So Did Infertility Statistics for Female Doctors
When we were considering starting a family, one of the most informative podcasts I found was the “As a Woman” podcast by Natalie Crawford, an MD and infertility doctor. Through her podcast, I learned that female doctors have higher rates of infertility than the national average. This article by the New York Times also sums up the problem well.
Higher infertility rates in women doctors may be due to delayed childbearing because of long years of training resulting in an increased average age of motherhood. Sleep deprivation and the mental and physical stress of medical training can also lead to increased levels of complications during pregnancy. Learning this only fueled my resolve to start our pregnancy journey as early as possible.
6. Pregnancy is Unpredictable, So We Didn’t Wait
One of the humbling parts of being a non-traditional med student is being able to walk through a couple more life stages with others before starting medical school. Through friends and our communities, we saw how unique and unpredictable pregnancy journeys could be. Seeing friends go through infertility, miscarriages, and IVF opened my eyes to how precious life is and how becoming pregnant is not always a sure thing. It may take much longer than expected.
This became our reality when we tried to get pregnant before medical school but didn’t conceive. Granted, we really didn’t know what we were doing with ovulation cycles and giving myself adequate time to get off of birth control, so I count this as our primer time/my personal intro to fertility!
However, the unpredictability of pregnancy became an even deeper reality when we conceived for the first time. We were overjoyed and ready to give birth in the summer between my first and second years of med school, and it felt like God had answered all of our prayers for timing. However, I had a miscarriage, and our window for the year slipped away. We were forced to wait yet again. This time taught us so much, and it shifted something inside of us. The miscarriage showed us how we wanted this more deeply than we knew, and in trying again, we took nothing for granted.
Hope in the History
In deciding to have a baby during medical school, a few things have kept me going. One is faith that the Lord will see us through the journey, no matter how difficult things become. Another is knowing how there have been many women who have done it before me. Speaking with doctors who became mothers in medical school, in residency, and as attendings has given me so much hope that this process is altogether possible. Chaotic, but possible, and now, we’re all in.
It will probably be one of the hardest things we’ve ever done, but as I feel baby boy kicking, I just can’t wait to meet him. I wonder who he will be and who he will become. I can’t wait to watch him grow. And I can’t wait to grow right alongside him as we start our little family.
Thank you for being vulnerable in your sharing. Happy and looking forward to you and Nathan entering the next chapter of parenthood
Thank you for being vulnerable in your sharing. Happy and looking forward to you and Nathan entering the next chapter of parenthood